Your Name is Coconuts
by Onrik
Summary: Flip Flappers: an introspective. Cocona's mind is a terrible place, especially with regards to her newfound friend. Centered around episode four with a dose of artistic license or more likely overly tight yuri goggles.


School did not prepare you for this. School definitely did not prepare you for this at all. Sure the adventures in weird dream worlds were odd at first but you've come to accept that (you'd even admit it's a bit fun, company aside.) The magical powers with matching outfits straight out of that manga you would tacitly deny ever having read? Bit out there but hey, you've long since accepted the loss of your own sanity so what's a little magical girl action to say about the state of reality? You can even accept the clandestine group of asylum escapees who seem to want you to go treasure hunting for magic rocks and talk endlessly about things that you couldn't even begin to get a handle on as if this is all an everyday occurrence. At least some of them were nice.

No, the issue you are currently having comes with an absolute mess of fiery hair, a smile as warm and freely given as the sun, and a seemingly ceaseless, carefree sense of wonder at the world. The same girl who abruptly showed up in your life only to introduce you to an existence you would never have imagined to be possible. And now she has apparently decided to turn the random debris hidden behind the school grounds into a makeshift (and admittedly comfy looking) hut. On any other day, in any other world, you probably would have found this whole thing absurd, annoying, worthy of protest, some combination of the above. So why is it, as you pull back the fluff-curtain and see her there with her stupid smile, that your heart skips a beat or three? As odd as she may be, Papika is just a normal girl. Probably. Maybe. You think. Really, you found the girl somewhere between annoying and confusing as all get out when you first met. Despite that, she has become your partner, you suppose that's the word for it anyway, in this bizarre adventure that your life has become.

So now you're sitting here as she rambles on about this and that, utterly confused at your own reaction. You mean, this is Papika. The annoying energy drink manifest as a human being who clings to you like a lost puppy. Really you should still be furious at this girl for taking your ordinary, boring life and turning it into the parody of a bad anime it has become. And yet all you have to show for your attempts at brushing this off is the feeling of your face cracking its own small smile. You've felt something like this before. When Papika introduced you to the support team at Flipflap and Sayuri had introduced herself. But she was pretty, and really kind, and you'd expect that kind of reaction from anyone meeting her for the first time. There was also the senior girl from the art club. But she'd taken you by surprise, twice! And she was so much better than you, of course you'd feel nervous around her. Besides, this was Papika. What was so special about her (the obvious aside)? She looked like a feral twelve year old what with her usual manner of dress and bright mess she called hair. Her eyes, which seemed to find the joy in everything they were set on, and seemed to set themselves on you just a little bit more than everything else. And her dumb grin that she constantly wore, a grin that just maybe you found endearing and perhaps even a bit cute. But still, Papika. Nothing special there. Not at all.

"Cocona!" Papika calls to you as she rushes over to show you the eggs she found for the dinner you're both supposed to be making. Something in the way she calls your name. Happiness, is that what it sounds like? You've become a bit of a cynic when it comes to other people and how they feel. You think maybe it may have something to do with the whole childhood friend works for an equally-if-not-more-clandestine organization than your own that may or may not be evil. So the way this girl calls your name confuses you. It's just so uncomplicated and –happy-. Happy to be alive. Happy to be doing whatever it is she's doing at the moment. Happy to be able to call your name. And there's the smile again. It's not like it's even an uncommon thing, that smile of hers. Sometimes you think Papika would smile at someone who just punched her in the face just because she's Papika. So why does it feel like her grin just grows just a bit wider when she glances your way? Is that why you feel your face start to burn a little every time you see her like that? Maybe she's radiating just a little too brightly in your direction.

The two of you are ostensibly partners; your ability to enter and navigate Pure Illusion is something only the two of you can achieve, not that anyone at Flipflap has bothered to tell you why that is yet. They've all said it comes down to feelings, being able to sync with one another. Something like that anyway. You've been on some harrowing adventures with this girl. Both of you have almost died once or twice. You fought a plant-succubus-thing. It was a hoot. You're not dumb. Or you hope not. You're not above admitting to having read some romance novels on a whim so it's not like these reactions are –entirely- alien to you. So you're a bit infatuated with the girl. Maybe. Anyone might feel a bit of something for someone who's been through what you've been through with Papika You were a bit infatuated with Sayuri. Nothing entirely wrong with that you suppose. But also nothing to be examined beyond face value. So why does this feel so different?

Papika has said she loves you. A lot, actually. You told her to shut up. What else was there to say? She was being dumb and irritating and clingy (and only a bit cute but you're trying to ignore that thought.) Really you could easily dismiss that as just another odd thing this odd girl does. She's your friend. Friends say that kind of things from time to time. Some probably do it repetitively while hugging you even, right? And maybe you'll entertain the thought that she's being more than just flippant (which she completely isn't) who are you anyway? Apparently Papika chose you to be her partner. Everyone out there in the world to pick from and somehow Kokomine Cocona becomes inexplicably tied to this girl on her crazy adventures. She sought you out, and that thought both makes your stomach do a little flip and confuses you even more.

You're nothing to speak of really. A boring girl with a boring life. You do well enough in school. You have some friends who are normal and boring (one of which may be part of an evil cult but you know, what can you do?) You're not especially good at anything. Or bad at anything. You just kind of are. You're not particularly good looking either. Just look at art-club girl. She's beautiful. She's kind. Outgoing, talented to boot. And you're… not. You're just Cocona. Average high school girl. And she's Papika: dream-world adventurer. Fearless, determined to a fault, more than a little bit nuts probably: Papika. You're just the tagalong she dragged down the proverbial rabbit hole one day. So far you've managed to get lost, screw up, and be a general nuisance. Yet through all that she kept coming back again and again. She never forgave you for any problems you caused but then she never even seemed to think of anything you did as being a problem in the first place. And through all of that she gave your life something you didn't know it was lacking: adventure. She let you see things you had never dreamed about (or maybe you had and that was the point.) Made you feel things you'd never felt before. And now here she was making you feel yet another thing you'd never felt before. And damn it if it isn't frustrating in more ways than one.

Of course this situation isn't improved when she crawls into bed next you with a distinct lack of any clothing. The least you can do sit there trying not to think about this whole situation. Try not to think of the feelings you're getting for her. Of the sound of her breathing next to you. Of the heat radiating off of her. It's a warm night but you're pretty sure it just became a lot warmer. So you're just going to sit here facing away from her and pretend everything is normal and that she's not naked and that you're heart's not the only thing feeling a bit fluttery at the moment. And when she quietly mutters what you think is your name in that cute little voice of hers you're going to resist the urge to turn and take her all in cause that would just be improper. Besides, there's nothing there, nothing between you. She's a girl, you're a girl. You're dream land adventure buddies and that's it and she just turned and pressed her face against your back so you're just gonna spend the rest of the night out on the grass where it's nice and cool and definitely not making you think of things that you shouldn't be thinking of and Papika can be dressed in a nun habit for all you care and the thought of her in that outfit isn't making you think she would look super cute and…

You imagine you must have fallen asleep at some point. Because now you're dreaming that Papika managed to strand the two of you on a deserted island in order to go fishing with her hands and that would just be silly. Of course when she starts yelling at a passing plane you remember that if this was a dream your dreams have somehow become far more mundane than the life you've been living for the past while and that you're probably going to die on an island now. But hey, at least you're not thinking about the unsavory things that your body was trying to tell you to do to her last night. The hunger you're feeling (no not that type of hunger thank you very much) has been graceful enough to distract you from that for a while.

You manage to promptly get yourself lost in the woods because you're useless as always. Papika, of course, immediately decided to take your imminent demise in stride and dictates that the best course of action would be to venture inland for food with that smile of hers compelling you to follow. Honestly you're starting to think she could lead you to an early grave with that smile. You, being slow and un-athletic as you are, fell behind and eventually completely lose sight of her. So now you're stranded on an uninhabited island and alone in the woods so you're day is going pretty well you'd say. Your thoughts eventually wander back to the real matter at hand though. Really, despite the near-death experiences, general terror and confusion, and overall strangeness of things, you feel like you've received a precious gift from her: purpose. You may not know exactly what that purpose is yet and yet a part of you thinks that it doesn't really matter. You're working toward something which is more than can be said for your life up until now. And perhaps if you're really wiling to allow your thoughts some merit, the fact that that fiery burst of sunshine called your partner has become a bit of a purpose as well.

Your attempt at gathering some fruit results in you nearly breaking multiple bones and the fruit gets crushed into oblivion anyway and honestly you probably couldn't feel any more worthless. But then she's there, breaking her way through the thick of the trees like the crazy sunbeam she is and she's telling you about how you're so much better than you think in her own way. You think it's all just dumb platitudes (doesn't help that Papika's pep talks are delivered with all the nuance of a pissed off rhino in a funeral procession.) But somehow it helps. Maybe not because of what she's saying but just because it's her. Her and her dumb exaggerated expressions. And her dumb, cute way of looking at things. And her cute eyes, and smile, and… everything. And then that feeling in your stomach is back. The one you realize you've been getting every time you see her for a while now, so you're back to pondering more than a few things about your own emotions.

Maybe it's more than just mere purpose that this girl has given you. She's given you a chance to prove to yourself that you're more than normal, boring, average-in-every-imaginable-way Cocona. She's shown you a side of yourself you never could have imagined you had. Sure part of it came with long pink hair, transformation sequences, and a ridiculous looking blade weapon, but hey it was something. When you were with her you could actually –do- things. You weren't nearly as much of the worrywart little girl you usually were. You could fight. You could go on adventures. You could see all the crazy things Pure Illusion had to offer. You've even noticed that you smile much more now than before. And all of that was thanks to the crazy redhead leading you back to the beach right now.

Papika, of course, decides that the best way to cheer you up is to surprise you with a makeshift bath courtesy of some flotsam she had apparently found judging by the barnacled state of the thing. Helpfully she decided to put it right on the beach. Out in the open. With no cover or privacy for tens of feet in any direction. Because of course she did. Figuring you may as well indulge her before she decides to whine your name a few hundred times, you stammer at her to go stand somewhere else and manage to make it sound a bit more angry than you feel. Papika takes this in stride, as she always does with you, and leaves you to soak away your thoughts. Your thoughts bring her right back however as you can't seem to get the girl off your mind lately. Why were you even so embarrassed about this? She was a girl, after all and it's nothing you haven't seen before. You're pretty sure she's a girl anyway. Your partner may have the temperament of a wild ten year old boy at times but her recent penchant for getting naked around you has managed to dismiss any doubts you had about her *ahem* build. This is something you'd like to say was to your great chagrin but the blood rushing to your face and maybe some other places when you think about it manages to spoil that specific bit of denial. You're thankful you can mostly submerge yourself in hot water at the moment.

You realize you should really just admit it to it because it's plain enough to see: you find Papika attractive. And not just in the "oh she's a cute girl, I should be friends with her" kind of way. More like the "I may or may not want to do it with a girl" kind of way. Or at least you assume that's what it is; this realization is just another one of the many things you've discovered about yourself since you met Papika so it's not like you have much to base it off of. Though if you think about it perhaps your reaction to Sayuri and the art club girl may just indicate that you happen to like girls as a bit more than friends. So what though? You find Papika attractive. She –is- attractive, in her own way. Her wild hair that she never combs. Her blue eyes which seem to eternally shine either due to her eternal optimism or due to her uncanny likeness to a wild animal. Her body that, while skinny, betrayed a life of activity with its subtle musculature. She's downright wonderful.

Your thoughts are interrupted by a splash as the aforementioned taught body gets up close and personal to you in the bath. And though you may be willing to admit the possibility that you like Papika a bit more than you'd previously thought you definitely weren't ready for this. The bath was hardly big enough for one, so two people in it forced a kind of skin on skin contact that simultaneously sends shivers down your spine and causes your brain to short circuit and panic. A short time of flailing later you've managed to compose yourself enough to assess the situation. Papika is next to you. Naked as the day she was born. And not just next to you, she's pressed up against you. You can deal with this. Cocona. Just calmly explain to her that you'd rather be alone. It'll be fine. You'll just clear your throat and tell her to get out. You're not going to look at her. You're not going to take all of her in and lap up every inch of her with your eyes. You're not going to do unspeakable things to her. You're going to pretend those thoughts don't exist and-

You're saved by the sudden and thankful appearance of multiple leaks in the tub.

Later that night (and an awkward sprint into the woods later to get dressed while forcing yourself not to stare too much at Papika) you find yourself lying awake under the small lean-to the two of you managed to throw together. You'll certainly say one thing: the stars are way nicer on a deserted islands god-knows-where off the coast than they are back home. You suppose that's one bonus of this situation, despite everything. You talk of life and what it is that the both of you would wish for if you manage to collect the shards. Papika, in her normal irritating manner refuses to tell you. You mention your family though it pains you a bit to do so. It's difficult to say it to her, something stupid like this. She'll probably just think you're dumb. Besides, you're still the same boring nobody especially compared to someone as unique as her. The fact that you've been attempting to keep yourself from thinking about the fact that you may or not want to do rather unsavory things to her isn't exactly helping the situation.

Besides: let's just assume for a second that you like girls. And let's also assume for a second that you especially like Papika. And let's further venture that you may even want to act on these feelings. What would she want with the likes of you? She's so interesting and you're just you. Sure, she's said she loves you before (you told her to shut up, you assumed she was either being stupid or trying to make fun of you.) But then you've seen how she acts toward most people. She's just an affectionate girl. Say you were to act on these impulses. She'd probably just laugh you off like she does with everything. "That's a good joke, Cocona" she's smile and continue on as if nothing had happened at all. Sure nothing would be hurt save your pride, but it would still suck. There's just no way that Papika would see you that way.

However, she does not think you're dumb for mentioning your family. She just gives a thoughtful glance at the sky then promptly assures you that she thinks that you'll be able to see them again and that she got to meet the person she always wanted to meet as she gives you a knowing grin. Your heart stops at that and, lacking any proper response, you turn to stare at the stars again because the infinite cosmos seemed like it'd take whatever facial expression you were making better than the girl next to you.

You're not quite sure how long you lay there but eventually you hear the faint sounds of sleeping coming from her. She wanted to meet someone like you. No. Not just like you. She wanted to meet you. You're the one she wanted to find. And that smile? Sure, maybe she smiles at a lot of people. But that's not the same smile. That's not the smile on her face when she sees you at the start of the day. She wanted to find you. You roll over and look on this girl who's changed so much in your life and smile. Sleep comes easy then and for the first time in a long while.

Later, when your island escape is interrupted by reality ripping itself asunder as the entrance to Pure Illusion reveals itself yet again to the two of you and the world melts around you, you feel a hand grab yours through the confusion. And she's there, smiling at you as always. She assures you she won't let you go. Ever. Even with the cacophony of dimensional travel going on around you. Even with the world you know melting away behind you making way for whatever strange land awaits, whatever dangers face you. Even with all the confused, messed-up feelings in your heart that you have for her. Even with all of that, you smile and tell her that you won't leave. Because it's true. You don't know yet what you should make of these feelings of yours but you know that you like them, and you like this girl, this wonderful, odd girl holding your hands for all the multiverse to see. As long as she's there, whatever may come, you'll be okay. For now you have you're reason for being, and its name is Papika.


End file.
